If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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