Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
