R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
