Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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