thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize