med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
