If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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