see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
