I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ladies don't puke and tell
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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