Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bring me that man meat
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
