Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
