We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The power of my boobs compel you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
