totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
