I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
whose parrot is this?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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