I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
