she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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