problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
