All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
