just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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