I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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