Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
