Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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