I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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