she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
