is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize