I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
