Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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