She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
