I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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