I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
