I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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