you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You ruined the universe
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
