When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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