maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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