I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
