...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
