Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
