Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
