So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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