I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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