don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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