he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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