I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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