More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
