My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
