Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
