May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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