He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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