I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you will always have a special place in my vag
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
