WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
