PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
