there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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