Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
