return my video game
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
