I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
