I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
