I can tuck mytits in my pants
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
