just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
