it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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